Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
