I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
