Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
