I think i peed on brittanys purse
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
