I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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