btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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