They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
