i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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