I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
