is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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