He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
