I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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