Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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