we have officially lost it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Panties = found
Randomize
