Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
