Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize