there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
