my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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