I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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