even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
