My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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