i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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