so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
