Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
