no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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