You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
