I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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