THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
