I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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