I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
