I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
