i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize