the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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