I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
