Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
These tits shall not be calmed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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