I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
