my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I could make wine with my vomit
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
