I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
