god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
