I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You smell like stripper and shame
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
