found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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