Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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