Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
