is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
