You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
40s are totally the cure
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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