My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
