Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
