dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
