It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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