We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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