last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ruined the universe
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
