I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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