Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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