Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
