I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
