...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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