i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
