If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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