the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
