just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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