he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
