dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
