He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you made out with another girl for some wings
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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