I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
