Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
