you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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