I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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