My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
be right there i have to get my cape
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
