A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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