he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
