38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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