my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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