I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
