If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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