Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize