You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
