did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
