You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
