Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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