Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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