i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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