All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
