My first STD was from a foam party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
