As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
