Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
