well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
