i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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