I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
