I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
