Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
