Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
