so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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