if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
