please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even my farts smell like vagina
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
