do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
