DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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