Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
